Yesterday, I sat for the third session of the love meditation(I do 4 sessions a day, 1 hour each), then the memory of that young woman who took away my electronic game and never gave it back to me emerged, I had resentment for that woman during the whole schoolyear. I tried to forgive her with affirmations but it didn’t work, the thin energy of forgiveness through affirmations wasn’t strong enough to eradicate that big dark cloud of resentment that was into me.
So I changed my approach I remembered that many schoolmates went to her to ask if she could give my game back and she always replied that she doesn’t have the game.
So I told to myself may be she gave it to another little boy , may be she made another little boy happy, my point of power is in the now, I have a big powerful PC, I have another powerful laptop computer I have my house full high tech toys and I have money to buy more, I can go on holiday almost every month, what I complain for ?
At that point I was filled with appreciation and I was able to transfer that appreciation to that girl then something happened. The memory vanished , I mean it completely vanished it, I had a sense of gratitude from her, that she is happy that a freed her from the resentment and then I new memory emerged of her giving me an electronic game and making me very happy. Now, I can’t say if this is really a new memory because for me, when I think about it , it sound like this is the original event and the resentment episode is something I made up in my mind, it sound fake by now, it sound like an invention of mine, I can only relate to it because I took notes of it.

To give you an analogy imagine that in your bedroom you have a single-person size bed then you go out of your bedroom then you come back and there you have a queen-size bed however you have no memory of your single-person size bed, now you see pictures of your bedroom with that single-person size and then you question yourself , what has happened ? however, you can only speculate that in some alternated past you had another type of bed, but you don’t know for sure, the memory of it is erased from your brain, completely.

When I think of this girl now, I’m filled with joy, I tried brute-force to remember the so called original event, I can’t, instead I end up with memories of me being happy and playing my game. I can’t find the resentment for that girl anymore it is gone . Now, something else happened a couple of minutes after the session my old sense of humour that I lost long ago came back. There is that girl who has a crush on me, usually when I think about her I got irritated this time I laughed I made fun pictures in mind of her crushing even more due to my newfound radiance then I went for another meditation where I have to lie down and reach a state of mind awake and body asleep I use a product called the Gateway Experience from the Monroe Institute for that, well I couldn’t reach the state because I laughed , I laughed so much during the whole session I was thinking to a recording of Klaus when he talked about replacing money with chickens and the chickens not enjoying it.
Can you imagine money replaced by chickens , you go at the grocery and

You: 1 box of coffee
Clerk : ok, two chickens
Chicken 1: arkkkk, we are used as money now
Chicken 2: hehehehe, a talking chicken I have never seen one of those before.
Chicken 1: Well, pal , I have never seen a chicken used as a 5 dollars bill neither.
Chicken 2: Shut your mouth, sick fried chicken you will end up at KFC as nugget anyway.
Chicken 1: (farting)
You to the clerk: Can I have the coffee
Clerk: Sure, I wish we could go back to paper money
Chicken 1 and 2 together: Shh, We are cooked!

Thanks, Tortue!!
I'm happy with you and your woman-girl for your fun with the electronic game!

Also it's so cool when a girl has a crush on you!
I remember not liking it when I studied in... let's say in high school and in the University. Probably I felt irritated because I saw a responsibility in it... ("I'll need to do this and that...")

Now I love those events! I see them as great opportunities to connect with people, to have their attention and to know them better. And usually I learn something interesting from those events too.

Thanks for sharing a part of your life with us! :))))))))

That was precisely the source of my irritation too, a couple of weeks ago I told that girl that I was going to live in Spain, today she said that she is going to live in Spain too, I reacted without being judgemental it made me smile after all it is an enriching experience to live abroad, we are both from Brussels (Belgium) and we stayed here for most of our live, we need a change.
In the old context I would have been extremely irritated but now, it is fun.

Great!

Maybe forgiveness is a great power.. but i can't sence it.
I forgive people easily..in fact, i sometimes wonder if there's something wrong with me.. i mean,
When things happen and i fight with my mom, she always gets irritated,
such as i, and i stop talking with her, or if i do, then i do it very coldly and oficcialy, then she gets insulted and does the same.
The point it, it passes after 15\30 minutes, to me.
And it's then i start feeling guilty.
And it actually don't matter if i was really guilty, or it was mom's fault,
I still feel guilty, and then I go and say i'm sorry, i go and talk again. I guess that insults me mostly,
That i don't remember one time she said sorry.
But when i wanna talk to her about it it's always too late, and i don't want her to get insulted. i always have this fear she or my lil bro might do something to theirselves. It's almost paranoic, though i don't admit it much.
I know they won't do it, but still..
-
And it's always like that, with all of the people, and even my big brother, whom i hate the most,
from all people i know, i can't hate him more than two hours. I may be disgust, i may be angry, but hatred passes.
Though when he does something bad again, all my irritation and hatred comes up again.. not for long too.
-
So maybe i can't feel forgiveness' power cz i always forgive and forget?
Even the worst things..
I'm too good and peace-loving.
-
PS.
Chicken!!!!!!!
omg. this is brilliant.

Forgiveness is more like a movement rather than a feeling or emotion.
Check out this post http://www.armbell.com/lovebook2/viewtopic.php?t=155&mforum=lovebook2
I attempt to explain it better.

what you said , and explained..
i find it very hard to acheeve..
because when you live with a person under the same roof
for so much time, and he does anything he can to make your life misereble, weather he aknowleges that or not,
you can't REALLY forgive and get rid of all the anger,
because once i do it, the next second he's gonna pull of something again..
and my nerves suck lately.. i've become very irritatable
over the slightest thing. so everyhing will rise up again.
plus, i find it hard to find something good in me
but i'll still try.

At this point, you have to focus the healing on yourself first, work on that self-hatred you have. When you change the others people around you will change too.

Working on your self-hatred will be precisely to accept or to love those things that you reject about yourself. Sending love to those ideas will be the easiest way to do it for you, I think.